Frontline Horse, Parenting & Leadership.
A year before my mother died, she attended a wedding where a vast portion of the people there did not know she was my Mum. I did not meet Mum until the end of the wedding when everyone had left. Mum called later and was praying for me, the usual long prayers that want to make you remind Mum we are on the phone. But you know they did not bear me well to interrupt that woman. First, she was not using my airtime, and second, Maami ko fe oshi (Mama no nonsense) would let me know I was not grown beyond beating. More so, I noticed some details in the prayer coming up repeatedly. Blessings like your children will listen to you and Olori Aso mi ni o o ni faya(you are my best or lead attire, you will not be worn out).
After the long prayer, I learned through the grapevine that at the wedding, where I was going about doing what she taught me and more, including kneeling where I must, smiling, and doing all the oyaya (hospitality) things she taught me(before now, my knees don't like kissing the ground, and Mum hated it). My mother was seated next to these people who had "positive gossip" about me. Part of their gossip was I was well-read, respectful, articulate, eloquent, graceful, and all the things African mothers like to hear about their daughters, including I no dey follow man or woman(lol, now I follow or an intelligent son of Adam follow me; sometimes, I am not sure which. tongue out), One of the good gossipers, which I wish I knew, ended with what every parent wanted to hear "won ko girl yen dada" ( that girl is well raised/trained).
For many years I wished I knew these gossipers because they finally made my mother accept that I was picking some of those "ilali" that lasted hours. See, if you are Yoruba and you don't know the difference between ilali ( won ko illali fun) and ebu (insult), don't ever question my Yorubaness because you see Rosemary in the mix of my name or you have profiled me as a particular ethnicity by my name, skin tone, and others. To give you the basics, you can receive ebu and go on with your life, but ilali can make you file a claim against your parent or anyone that gave it to you if you live in another context. More so, it was a time that we did not associate correction by our parents with condemnation. Although it was challenging, we could not protest. The way my mother treated my "fuck" up after my older sibling left home, there were days I contemplated running away from the house. People sometimes wonder whether I was older than they knew because Mum made it look like that. Years later, when we spoke about it, she said, "I wo ni olori aso mi" I handled you the way anyone would their choicest treasure. Further, she said, "Esin Iwaju ni Teyin wo Sare" (The horses behind follow the lead of the horse in front of them, thus the frontline horse matter). To be sure, Maami did not treat my younger siblings the same way she did to me because her conviction was that if she got it right with the lead, it could be possible that everything would follow.
One of my best authors on Leadership, John Maxwell, said everything rises and falls on leadership. Further, in the book 21 irrefutable Laws of Leadership, he once wrote that "An army of sheep led by a lion can defeat an army of lions led by a sheep." More so, if you ever have to cue behind cars for hours in Nigeria waiting for traffic to clear, only to later discover that there was no traffic but that the vehicle in front of the one in front of you was faulty, you will be mindful of the cost and how we select leadership.
Whether you vote for people who twit from WhatsApp or another that verify everything, including unverifiable, or delete your Twitter and later come and tell us you are the unifier, we will all dance the Baba Ajasco dance when it is all said and done.
As we go about life, election circle, and leadership, remember that "Esin Iwaju ni Teyin wo Sare." Everything rises and falls on leadership.
Posted on Facebook on October 18, 2022.
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