Guilty by Silence.
One matter that my sister-mum tried to settle between me and someone was simply because I was a silent witness. I was silent for reasons I understood only theoretically, not experientially, until then. I was frozen. Psychologists and people generally talk about fear, fight, and flight, but nobody talks about freeze. I vacillate about whether to type this post or not. I have so many competing demands that I even grief must wait at my bedside when I am exhausted to get my attention. But bear with me as I tell this story in a way that does not give away too many identifying details.
So we have this family friend who is financially buoyant and progressive, a single lady who is going well for herself and her kids, whom I will call Lady Cook. Yet, every time Lady Cook posts on any digital platform about her success and accomplishment, there is another member of a family that I will call the Jolyse Family, who goes on Facebook or anywhere to allege that Lady Cook's money was morally tainted.
One day Lady Cook came to my house to pick up something, and this member of the Jolyses family was in my place to pick up something that sister-mum dropped for their family. The member of the Jolyses family finds a way to stir conversation around a famous Nigerian female celebrity with questionable wealth, knowing that one of my interests is in celebrity culture. Lady Cook got tired and said many unsayable and untypeable, and the two people had a heated verbal exchange spilling things I had never heard. I was frozen. So frozen that they both spilled too much before I found the nerve to say enough. Honestly, what they both said was an assault on my mind because I didn't need to know that much.
This Jolyses parent reported to my sister-mum that I was silent. That Lady Cook was using their poverty to mock them, given that one of the Jolyses was in my place to pick up a "welfare package" sister-mum dropped for them. When I started telling sister-mum some of what was spilled that I can't type in this post, something I don't even know, my sister-mum said, "Adunni ma so mo (don't repeat it). I went further, and my sister said, "ma mu fun e," a way of saying I will beat you. I kuku kept quiet, but throughout the time I lived with her, I always found a way to bring up what was spilled because I couldn't keep this in my head.
Through my valleys, I learn, as my PoP will say, "it is not the silence of our enemies that hurts the most in trying times but the silence of our friends". As we approach the election, I hope you will not be guilty of silence like me. Speak with your choice and vote. I can't tell you who to vote or not to vote for. My PoP says politicians will embarrass you regardless of their promises, but choose the embarrassment that will not "kee" you.
Finally, as my mother would tell me when I insisted on wearing clothes, the zipper was malfunctioning before leaving home. She would say, "the eye that will serve you through your lifetime would not begin secrete mucus by day". These last few months are suggestive of the future. Also, I learned early in life that by every decision I make, I have advertently chosen consequences. My PoP said it best "people who insist on banging their heads against a wall have no right to complain of chronic headaches."
Happy voting in a few days
Posted on Facebook on February 23, 2023
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