When sorry is not a good eraser.
Many years ago, I realized that at some point, you are either going to require forgiveness or you are going to offer it. If the forgiveness you give to others is too much, it might suggest that you lack boundaries or you never learn your lesson. If you always have to ask for forgiveness, it could indicate that you lack self-control and discipline. We all need boundaries to demarcate or keep ourselves and others from trespassing as much as we need to build bridges to connect to prevent us from. The Judeo-Christain text suggests, "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."(Proverb 25:28).
With granting other forgiveness, in recent years, I have started thinking about unpardonable sins. James A. Michener said, "An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it." As I mature, I hope that my apology to others or the apology others offer me is minimally reduced yearly as we all learn boundaries. This is especially true in the digital age, where cynicism, put-downs, personal attacks, unsubstantiated claims, illogical criticism, and cruelty are the new cool and currency for conversation.
Specifically, over the years, I have begun to collate things that I think are not a good eraser. Sorry is not a good eraser:
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When, for selfish and greedy, you lead an entire nation into an abyss of despair and worrisome desperation.
When you betray trust and loyalty
When you demean and deny others dignity and humanity
When you violate the innocence of others and use their vulnerability against them.
When you sow seeds of discord, disunity, and division
When you turn against people in their most vulnerable moment
When you weaponize people's need to exploit and extort them.
When you belittle the success of others and achievement to elevate yours
When you put your selfish gains above the common good
When you use your power, position, and privilege to humil!ate others
When you objectify life
When your theology, doctrine, principle, and policy have harmed people, family, and society. A denomination once claimed television was the devil's box and world, but today, na them dey use am pass.
When you mislead or misinform people to manipulate and control.
When you are a silent witness/ bystander/enabler to the humiliation of others, and you did nothing to show disapproval.
I am still yet to recover mentally, emotionally, and physiologically from my time in Nigeria this past summer. The country is beyond recognizable, and the desperation and hunger in the people's faces are palpable.
I have seen and read people who say they are sorry about their decision in the last election in Nigeria, but I wonder if their sorry can undo or erase all the misery unleashed on people.
Between, I saw the "deformed apology" of the dishonorable who assaulted the bolt driver. It affirmed one of the reasons why Nigeria may continue to be the way it is: people think an apology means they get to continue their roles without consequence for their actions.
Now I understand why Yoruba people say, pele get ako and abo.
Don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that there is no redemption, but I am weary of redemption without restitution.
Even restitution can't erase the trauma and pain that comes from injury. That is why even though I am all for reparations, considering the historical injustice of middle passage, slavery, and colonialism, I think it can never erase the violent history of the past. It is a necessary step but not the only step needed for the trauma and violence of the past.
Finally, don't forget my panel for the 2025 Annual Lagos Studies Association Conference.
"Rethinking African Popular Music: A Critical Celebration of the 35th Anniversary of Christopher Waterman's Jùjú"
send your abstract to rpopoola@wisc.edu
