Ori Apensi: In Defense of Nonentities and Celebrities Part 2.
"You this girl, as good and pleasant as you are for a daughter, it is this same issue your mother talks to you about every day," a woman who self-describes herself, as Maami's friend said many years ago. I had just committed one of the unpardonable sins of our home, and Maami had reported me to this woman because this woman calls me her favorite child. One of Maami's relatives, not her blood relatives, as we would later find out years later, came to the house with her kids. Maami was not home, and I did the usual hospitality, but maybe in a way that was not consistent with Maami's cultural rules of engagement, which included ensuring adults ate and children left with ipapanu (snacks) when they visited.
When this relative came, I asked if they wanted water, but Maami believed it was wrong. Given it was hot summer in northern Nigeria, where we lived then, I was supposed to give them cold water without their request. I also mentioned the cooked food we had and asked if they wanted to eat it, which was the biggest sin in our home. Maami had told me countless times that it was culturally disrespectful to ask people if they wanted to eat. Since we did not have a dining table at the time(it wasn't the way the aesthetics of our home was designed), all I was supposed to do was bring the side stool or center table in the sitting room closer to them, and that would indicate to visitors or family members that I wanted to serve food. Also, I must perform the cultural theatrics of convincing people to eat. Maami says it is natural or even cultural for people to reject food for the first time, but the depth of conviviality that I put into compelling them to eat will let them know my food offering was not performative.
Honestly, I didn't understand Maami's logic at the time, as I am trying to do now. If I really like you, I will eat in your house, but it is occurring to me people are different. So when this relative came, I asked them if they wanted to eat, and they said no, and I respected their decision. They left, and on their way, they met Maami and walked back together to the house. Maami convinced them to eat, and they ate and even packed more food to their home. After they left, Maami started her sermonization with me, saying it was a privilege that we had food to feed people because we could be them---roles could be reversed. As with most African mothers who link your present offense in 2022 with what you did in 1622, Maami alleged that I once said: "People should always stay in their houses since we seldom went to people's houses and that eating in people's houses was longer throat. The truth was I wasn't the one who said the last part of the previous sentence, another of my sisters said that, but if you know how African some mothers can be, Maami added everything to my iniquity.
While my Maami was fuming about how this family would have gone to bed hungry if she did not meet them on her way, her self-described friend said the opening line of this post and added that we should love what Maami loved and understand that Maami has Ori Apensi that was why people flock around her. The explanations of her leadership, charisma, and followership outside of having whatever accouterments of success are fascinating. I remember this because it was one of the nicknames or coded names we gave mum among ourselves. If anyone of us is not acting as expected with Maami's "people," the moment anyone mentions Ori Apensi, the person self-adjusts. Sometimes, it was also a way we signal to someone transgressing that they changed their course because Ori Apensi was coming.
For years I have thought about the nature and nurture debate in western leadership theories. Are leaders born or made? Or the attribution of fame to digital media. While western approaches are useful, I am thinking of indigenous conceptions of how and why people become famous. In another context, a famous celebrity has alleged that his mother was sacrificed and named popular celebrities allegedly wealthy and renowned because of membership in a particular association. I am not concerned with the claim's validity or otherwise but with the diversities of narratives of fame and why certain narratives thrive and seem to be sustained over time. What narratives, theories, and explanations of fame are within your national, ethnic, or religious context? How do they shape content, context, and conversation about fame and famous people? What do these narratives say about beliefs, themes, and ideas of fame?
By the way, how will we ensure that I win the Nobel Peace Prize now? Because Maami dislikes us talking about her charities, someone told me the only way I would justify writing about all the people Maami helped when I get to heaven would be to tell her the contribution of my writings to humanity. Please, let's start collating the significance of my writings o.
Picture: Late Prophetess (Mrs) Esther Ololade Popoola of blessed memory ( nee Abimbola, a.k.a Ori Apensi)
Posted on Facebook on November 26, 2022
