The Courage to be Visible.

One of the most beautiful videos I have seen today is that of BBnaija Hermes and his mum. Those who know me intimately know I am the daughter of a woman who was a Muslim convert but one that never for once exalts one faith above the other. One of the many ways she reinforces that for us as her children were to make us go and drop money for Alasaalatu women or cook for them. I did not like the cooking part and will not comment on it because I don't want to reinforce the troupe that Alasaalatu women have trust in Amala store inside a warmer( Alasaalatu ki le gboju le?). I liked the former part of going to give money for prayer because it is one of the times Mum does not frown at us sharing her shawl(Maami say she was not mother wear, children wear---translate into Yoruba). When mum says "omo wo lo wa be un, lo bami fi owo adura le" (Which of you is there to go and drop money for prayer), I am quick to jump at it. I will pick mum's best shawl, especially the shining one, and walk with swag into the place they are having Muslim women meeting (Alasaalatu) to drop money. Sometimes, I added more swag to my walk because I knew that whether I did shakara or not, some of these women would still say, "ako yi na ni".

One day, I went as usual to drop money, and these women were singing many of their songs, some of which I still sing in nostalgia. This particular song resonates with what this post is about. The women were singing, " ma se mi ni Iya mi kosi le(2x) Iya mi ko si le alejo bo. Ma se mi ni Iya mi kosi le" (Loosely translated, don't make me the kind of mother that my child will ask to hide when the visitor is coming). Some of these women's prayers were expressions of their anxieties about aging and becoming invisible for whatever reasons. In the 90s, when we lived briefly in Lagos, there were stories of people who rented/hired people as their parents because they did not consider their parents "presentable." Many parents have that anxiety that they may become invisible. I did not understand how much fear parents have about their children making them invisible until we heard of the story of a son who will join his wife to beat his father because the man was aging and was dealing with health issues. Not long ago, in a formal setting, we were talking about what visibility and invisibility mean for certain groups of people, and I think it applies to aging. I am interested in aging not just for a larger population but for famous people. How do we understand aging, fame, and generation? I made a post about Olu Jacobs some months ago; you can check it out.

Thank you, Hermes, of BBnaija, for showing that fame does not require that we sanitize or erase a part of us to appease an audience or people who can turn against us with a click. The courage to make visible what is expected to be invisible communicates more than I can write here. I celebrate this courage and applaud you.

Posted on Facebook on October 26, 2022.

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